Ambivalence is part of any relationship. If we are honest with our selves we will acknowledge that our partner is both wonderful and not so wonderful. We would also acknowledge that we are both wonderful and not so wonderful. Creating Harmony In Relationships!

Where we run into trouble is when we begin to paint ourselves as good, giving, loving, wonderful and possibly the victim; and our partner as bad, taking, uncaring and the villain. We ignore or make unconscious our negative contributions and focus on what is wrong with our partner. We amplify our goodness and minimize our partner’s goodness.

Creating a lasting relationship means getting comfortable with the contradictions that are a part of all relationships. “I love you.” “ You drive me crazy.” It means accepting that good and bad coexist in each of us and that life is a bundle of paradoxes.

We will always have contradictory feeling and contradictory experiences. It is not whether we will be disappointed in our relationship; it is the meaning we choose to attach to that disappointment that determines the depth of our hurt.

We need to be fully present in our relationship, we need to be aware of our contribution to problems and aware of our partner’s positive efforts, express our feelings and come to terms with the reality that we can be angry with and love our partner at the same time. We can choose to behave lovingly, even on those days when we do not feel particularly loving.

Harmony is not always about resolution. Harmony is about creating beautiful music together. It is about resolving one, but acceptance and letting another go. It is about focusing on and accentuating the positive. We can learn to love and accept the contradiction in our self and in our partner.

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