How many times have you promised yourself that you would never do that again, only to find yourself doing it a short while later? Why is change so illusive and what can we do about it? How To Stop Self-Sabotaging?

It may be helpful to recognize that the intent behind this type of behavior is actually to protect rather than to sabotage. There is a positive intent behind self-sabotaging behavior. Rarely is there a conscious intention to ruin things. People are often left wondering, “Why did I do (or say) that?”

Our stress response takes over, whether the expected threat is physical or emotional harm. False beliefs like, “I can’t handle stress,” “I’m not good enough,” or “nothing lasts” may be triggered and before we know it we are engaging in self-sabotaging behavior.

Overcoming this negative reaction, starts with an awareness of the self-talk and beliefs that are contributing to the self-sabotage. Step back and become the observer in your own life. What are the things that you are saying to yourself? Tease out the beliefs that are keeping you stuck.

Below are some strategies for reducing self-sabotage:

• Swap out your inner critic for an inner coach. Change your inner dialogue to one of recognition and gratitude for your strengths, offer yourself encouragement rather than judgment.
• Get a clear picture of what you do want. Create a vision board or a mind movie or simply visualize yourself behaving the way you want to behave.
• Give yourself the gift of self-acceptance and appreciation. Focus on gratitude.
• Recognize that you chose the false beliefs and you have the power to change them to self-empowering beliefs.
• Decide to bring your sense of self inside of you. Recognize that your worth is infinite and can be neither destroyed nor created by your failures or accomplishments.
• Accept that mistakes are opportunities to learn, remember there is no failure, only feedback.
• Be true to yourself. Refuse to give up who you are, in order to please someone else.

Step back, take a deep breath and focus on the bigger picture. Make decisions from the best in you. Be extremely cautious of fear-based decisions or impulses. These usually mean that your defenses have been triggered and self-sabotaging will often follow close behind.

Source: Improving Relationships